When life hands you problem after problem, obstacle after obstacle, rejection after rejection, loss after loss, defeat after defeat… you eventually can’t help but to sometimes feel the destroying effect. No matter how strong you are, when you’re hit over and over again for a long recurring period of time… you end up feeling broken and defeated. I’d like to tell you that it’s ok, it’s normal, and it’s not a big deal.
Whether it’s job application rejections, girl/guy rejections, business failures, sports or competition defeats, or any goal tries and fails… we all sometimes lose and end up feeling defeated. It sucks, and it feels bad. We lose hope, we lose optimism, and everything turns dark. It’s ok. If this is how you’re currently feeling, you’re tired now. Rest, sleep, and when you wake up, I want to remind you of this:
1. It’s not the end.
You’re still alive. Your life will continue… In fact, it probably hasn’t even started yet. Be patient.
2. It’s ok to acknowledge it.
It’s ok to admit it. No need for denial. Be brave and honest enough to admit that you lost. No big deal. Those who claim they never lose are liars and fakes.
3. You need some rest.
Stop. Rest. Take a vacation. Do something else that’s totally different for a while. Take care of yourself and your health first.
4. It’s ok to let it out.
Whether you’re sad or angry, let it all out. Everyone has their own mechanism for that… Cry, scream, rage, express yourself… but don’t let it out on someone else.
5. You are not a failure.
Just because you lost, whether it’s once or a hundred times, doesn’t make you a failure. Everyone loses in one way or another at some point in life, and there’s no shame in that. You tried, so you’re a champ just because you did.
6. “You can’t win em all.”
You can’t always win everything and every time. That would be unrealistic. It’s ok to lose. It’s a normal and natural part of life.
7. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
Learn from it. Reflect back on it and ask yourself what your mistakes were or what you could have done better. “Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is insanity”… Try to change your approach next time.
8. Re-group and retry.
Try again after you’ve rested and healed. Furthermore, to increase your chances, try after you’ve improved, or try using a new approach.
9. Never give up hope.
Keep going. Try harder, work smarter. It will work out eventually. You can do it.
10. Better days are coming.
Be optimistic and positive. It’s unrealistic that every day and everything will be always bad. Life is random, so if you roll the dice 100 times, you’re bound to get high numbers as well as low ones. Nothing will be consistent nor permanent, and always remember: “After you’ve hit rock bottom, the only way to go is back up”.
11. Know when to quit.
Please don’t misunderstand this point… it only applies in certain scenarios where quitting can be a good thing. If you light a match and hold it with your fingers, holding it for too long will end up burning your fingers. If you’re trying to do something unrealistic or what you’re trying has become harmful and draining, perhaps it’s a better idea to quit it and do or try something else. Be smart about it.
12. Try something else.
What you think is the right solution or choice for you might not necessarily be so. If whatever you’re attempting isn’t working out, consider alternative options or paths.
13. No need for blame or the victim mentality.
You might think that you’re being judged unfairly, and might find yourself asking “Why me?” or “Why does this always happen to me!?”. Don’t blame yourself, and don’t blame anyone else either, because blame does nothing.
14. Shit happens. Deal with it.
Such is the nature of life, so toughen up, get your shit together, and deal with it.
15. Improve yourself.
Work on yourself and improve your skills until you’re 100% confident that anyone would be stupid not to want you.
16. If they misjudge you, they’re the mistaken ones.
It’s their loss… they’re the losers. Move on, look for better judges, environment and opportunities.
17. If they don’t want you, you don’t want them.
Whether it’s a work opportunity or a relationship, you don’t want to be in the wrong one. You want to be somewhere where you’re appreciated, respected, and wanted. Don’t dwell on anything that doesn’t work out.
18. You don’t control the world.
Some things in life are out of your control. If you plant a seed, you can do your job and water it, but you can’t control the weather. Do your job, try your best, do what you have to do, and hope for the best. Expect anything, or better yet, have no expectations at all. If things works out, it’s your added bonus.
19. The world will tend to equilibrium.
The world works in a way that balances itself out. Worry not, everything that needs to happen will happen. You’re not always in control, life will give you a role to fill or something to do.
20. Get support.
Hang out with friends and people who make you feel good. Do something to make you feel good. If you need professional help, seek it. There’s no shame in that, it’s a brave thing to do.
21. Be grateful for what you already have.
Practice gratitude. Be grateful for what you have, look at the positives. Be grateful for even the smallest of things, because other people don’t have them. Start a gratitude journal where you ask yourself “what am I grateful for today?”. Make sure to write at least 3 things in it daily, and after a few weeks, this gratitude mentality and feeling will become instilled in your mind. It changes your perspective in life, and makes your life generally better. Try it.
22. What’s meant for you will come to you.
If what you were attempting didn’t work out, then it’s not meant for you, or not meant for you “now”. Something better is… but be patient because it’s not time yet.
I hope this helps. Whenever you’re feeling down and defeated, come back and read this article and remind yourself of all these points.
Finally, I’d like to send a shout out and big salute to anyone who’s battered from the grind, suffering silently. You are not alone. Things will be better. Time heals everything. Better days are coming. Rest. Survive. You are loved. You are lucky. Bless you.
